We made these memories for ourselves
You know what (“The starting point of conversation)…let’s talk about yesterday
I was in my room, it was 7.30 pm and I was curled up on my bed trying to nap.
Outside Alexa was playing songs. It was my brother, started playing the song that was one of my favorites. I had my earphones plugged in playing something else (song — Waqt ki baatein) but I paused it to listen (…the old favorite song). I was like okay…! Back to my playlist once it was over. And just a few minutes later Alexa started playing the second song, shared by… And this time, it puzzled me. What co-incidence is this?! I paused my playlist to listen again. I hadn’t played those songs for some time now. I knew it would only take me back to places I don’t want to visit.
Trust me, I am still in those places, every day. And then Alexa kept on intriguing me by playing the third song which was a song we would play while chilling together. For a second, I felt like I would find you outside if I went outside my room. But I knew, my imagination was too far from reality. Like it always has been. I’ve always imagined you walking behind me on roads in cities you never visited while. I have imagined you looking at me from the opposite apartment window while I danced when happy or when I cried when upset. But again, too far from the truth, right?
I didn’t let the third song play fully this time, so I went outside and stopped it. But it still intrigues me, how could Alexa play all the songs, all my songs? (Guess what it was my brother, trying to fit songs in pre -wedding video)
Today everyone is gone. I have been waiting for this day when I would return to my own peaceful world. I enjoyed office time (obviously, I was always busy), but I cannot act for too long. In the office, when I have to act, I stop looking inside myself, so my days are comparatively brighter. But when alone, I am left to my thoughts. And then I realize, I still stand there. I know it’s a decision. And I know I have taken mine. Do not settle for any less. Yes, sometimes (no no most of the time) I do ponder, should I close the eyes of my heart and just go after my happiness? And I know the answer. I know where my happiness lies. In following my heart. And it’s the only thing, I cannot force my heart. So I just let it be (just like going with flow). Take one day at a time. If there comes a day when my heart says, it’s okay I think you can move forward now, I will… definitely I’ll do it (without any second thought)
Mostly I am happy (especially when I hold my cup of coffee and sit on a jhula).
I feel grateful for what I have. I feel the purity of love in my heart and in it, I find all my happiness.
I understand all the movie plots and songs now (Bollywood movies too).
I understand love is real.
And I know, it’s the only thing worth living for.
And so, with all the love in my heart, I live every day.
